Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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