Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
