whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
operation have a gay friend backfired
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
