So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
