They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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