I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
