My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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