If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
