Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
