He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It's rum buckets o'clock
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
