Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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