I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
