im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
