you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You left your phone here
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