we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
