Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
