I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
