i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
