Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
