do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
