You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
zippers are such a cool invention
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
