youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You made out with two different species that night
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
