What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
