You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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