I got chris browned last night
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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