Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
