With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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