I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
