You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I cockslap morals
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Acid is not a monday night drug
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
