Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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