I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
