Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
