I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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