my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize