why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
