turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
