I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
