Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
