You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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