2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We had sex on a dog bed..
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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