Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
