The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
