Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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