You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
