I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize