I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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