um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
