let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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