I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
