I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize