You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
