you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
