do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
