and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize