it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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