I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
