would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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