All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
