Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I had to cum in my sink.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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