uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
