I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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