You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
