i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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