He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
