So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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