And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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