Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
