I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
